Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships
Why the Same Relationship Can Feel So Different From Each Side
For anyone who has wondered how two people can care about the same relationship and still seem to be living in different versions of what is happening — where misunderstanding, hurt, distance, guardedness, or conflict can begin to feel personal, and where seeing separate realities more clearly may change the whole picture.
What this program is really about
Every relationship is lived from two sides.
Even when two people love each other, care about each other, and genuinely want things to work, they can still find themselves feeling misunderstood, hurt, distant, guarded, or alone.
One person sees the situation one way. The other sees it another way. And before long, it can look as though the problem is the other person — their tone, their behavior, their lack of understanding, their past mistakes, or the way they keep seeing things.
When it looks as though there is only one reality, misunderstanding can feel painfully real.
But the Three Principles point to something more fundamental: that each person is living inside their own experienced reality, created from within through Mind, Consciousness, and Thought.
This does not excuse hurtful behavior or make relationships unimportant.
It opens up a different possibility: that when separate realities are seen more clearly, understanding, compassion, and new resources can become available where defensiveness or blame once seemed like the only option.
Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships is a fresh exploration of why the same relationship can look and feel so different from each side — and what becomes possible when we begin to see that there is not just one reality between us.
Two people can care deeply about the same relationship and still be living in very different versions of what is happening.
You may recognize this
This program may be especially relevant if you have ever noticed how quickly a relationship can seem to change when two realities collide:
These experiences do not have to mean the relationship is hopeless.
They may be invitations to look more deeply at how separate realities are created, experienced, and mistaken for the only reality.
Not About Getting on the Same Page
This program is not about learning communication techniques, trying to change the other person, analyzing the past, or putting more pressure on yourself to get the relationship right.
It is about beginning to see how relationship experience is created from the inside out — and why each person is always living in a reality that feels true to them in the moment.
As this becomes clearer, something often softens.
We begin to see less blame and more innocence. Less certainty and more understanding. Less need to defend our side and more room for connection to return naturally.
Not because we have forced ourselves to be kinder, calmer, or more patient — but because we are seeing the nature of separate realities more clearly.
What you may begin to notice
This is not about promising a particular feeling, outcome, or permanent state of closeness. It is about looking in a direction where you may begin to see relationship experience with less blame, less certainty, and more understanding.
Why being right can still leave you disconnected
Being certain about your side can make perfect sense from inside your own reality, while still making connection harder to feel.
How quickly meaning gets added
A tone, pause, facial expression, or word can seem to tell a whole story before we realize thought has filled in the gaps.
The innocence beneath feeling guarded
Feeling guarded often looks personal, yet it can be a natural response to the reality someone is experiencing in the moment.
Connection without forcing agreement
Warmth can return without needing both people to see everything the same way.
Less Need to Defend Your Side
When your reality is no longer the only reality to defend, what is said may not have to land in the same familiar way.
Different Conversations Become Possible
As misunderstanding begins to look less personal, there may be more room for curiosity, warmth, and a different kind of conversation.
A simple way to see it
Same relationship. Two lived realities.
What feels obvious from one side can look completely different from the other. Both realities can feel true while they are being lived.
What we’ll explore
Across the four sessions, we’ll look gently and practically at how separate realities are created, why misunderstanding can feel so real, and what becomes possible when there is no longer one reality to defend.
01 Session One
The Reality Each Person Is Living In
We’ll begin by looking at why relationship experience is always lived from the inside out, even when it appears to be caused by the other person.
02 Session Two
How misunderstanding takes shape
We’ll explore how thought creates meaning, motive, blame, certainty, and distance, often before we realize we are seeing through a separate reality.
03 Session Three
Innocence Beneath Guardedness
We’ll look at what becomes possible when we see that each person is responding to the reality they are experiencing in the moment.
04 Session Four
Connection without forcing agreement
We’ll explore how closeness, listening, humor, and warmth can return naturally as separate realities are understood more deeply.
Program details
Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships is a four-part live online program with recordings, a private participant area, and an informal follow-up conversation included.
Dates
Time
10:00 am Pacific / 1:00 pm Eastern / 6:00 pm UK / 7:00 pm Central Europe
UK/Europe times are one hour earlier on 28 October.
Format
Live online sessions with Brett Chitty.
Each session explores a different aspect of how separate realities are created, how misunderstanding takes shape, and what becomes possible when they are understood more clearly.
Whiteboard
Brett often uses a whiteboard during sessions, with ideas and distinctions drawn out visually as they emerge.
Recordings
Recordings will be available after each live session, so you can catch up or revisit them in your own time.
Follow-up meeting
The follow-up meeting, “Living with the Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships,” will take place on Wednesday, 9 December 2026.
An informal follow-up conversation to explore what you have noticed in your relationships, conversations, and understanding of others since the program.
Included
Your guide
This program is led by Brett Chitty.
Brett has spent many years exploring the Three Principles and the work of Sydney Banks, with a particular interest in how this understanding speaks to the ordinary, changing experience of being human.
His approach is gentle, careful, and reflective. Rather than presenting the Principles as ideas to memorize or techniques to apply, Brett points toward what can be seen for ourselves in real life — in our feelings, relationships, struggles, and moments of clarity.
Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships has grown out of that interest: a wish to explore why two people who care about the same relationship can still see things so differently, and what becomes possible when separate realities are understood with more kindness and clarity.
Who this is for
This program may be for you if you care about a relationship, or about how you relate more generally, and you are tired of living inside blame, hurt, distance, defensiveness, or repeated misunderstanding.
It may be especially relevant if:
This program does not promise to fix any particular relationship.
It points toward an understanding that can change how relationship experience looks from within you.
Join Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships
Join us for a grounded exploration of separate realities, misunderstanding, and what becomes possible when there is no longer one reality to defend.
Across four live sessions, we’ll explore why the same relationship can look and feel so different from each side, how misunderstanding takes shape, and how seeing separate realities more clearly can bring more understanding, softness, and room for connection.
Includes four live online sessions, recordings, access to a private participant area, and an informal follow-up meeting in December.
Early Bird: $199 until 31 August 2026
Regular Price: $300 after that
Frequently Asked Questions
A few practical details before joining the program.
Do I need previous experience with the Three Principles?
No. You do not need any previous experience with the Three Principles to take part. The program is designed as a grounded introduction to separate realities and how relationship experience is created from the inside out.
Will the sessions be recorded?
Yes. Recordings will be made available after each live session, so you can catch up if you miss a meeting or revisit the sessions in your own time.
What if I cannot attend live?
You are still welcome to join. The recordings will allow you to follow along, and the private participant area will give you a place to stay connected between sessions.
Is this relationship therapy or counseling?
No. This is an educational program, not relationship therapy, counseling, mediation, or personal advice. We will be exploring how relationship experience is created and understood, rather than working on anyone’s relationship as a case or problem to solve.
What is the follow-up meeting?
The follow-up meeting, “Living with the Foundations of Separate Realities in Relationships,” will take place on Wednesday 9 December 2026. It will be an informal conversation to explore what you have noticed in your relationships, conversations, and understanding of others since the program.
How long will I have access to the recordings?
You will have access to the recordings through the private participant area after the live sessions. We intend to keep them available for as long as the program remains part of our work.
What happens after I join?
After joining, you will receive access details for the program, including information about the live sessions, recordings, and private participant area.
Choose how you would like to join
Begin with this program, join the full series, or take the series with Applied Clarity.
Join Foundations of Separate Realities
A focused exploration of why two people can experience the same situation so differently, and what can change when we see there is no single reality to get right.
Early Bird: $199Regular Price: $300
Join the Full Foundations Series
Explore the full Foundations Series from September to March, with four programs looking at human experience, relationships, mental wellbeing, and resilience.
Early Bird: $500Regular Price: $800
Join the Full Foundations Series with Applied Clarity
Take the full Foundations Series with an additional small-group space for real-life questions and the nuances that become clearer as the programs unfold.
$2,800, or 4 monthly payments of $700